Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A prayer request

I beautiful lady named kelly has asked for prayers for her best friend/sister Laurie. She is sick with a very very bad infection. Please bless her with your prayers! God is good and works miracles!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just some photos I took

A person to admire

It's been strange lately. The blogs I have stumbled upon, the very very powerful women, the children gone too soon, the babies growing in mommies. I never realized how many people have lost children. I stumbled apon a blog and just loved this family. How absolutely adorable they were. As I went through the older posts I noticed that there was a very large piece of this family missing. Their daughter Reese had died. It is so sad to read of another heartbreak. I family torn apart yet brought together by tragedy. I admire her family unit and their determination to stay strong, together and faithful to Jesus Christ. Another family I admire is Vicoria's family. Snarkybelle has been so gracious to me. Supposrtive and kind even in her own heartbreak. What an amazing family she has! Again a very strong relationship with Jesus. Are you seeing a pattern here? I am. I have been praying. Reading, writing, praying some more. I will never really understand why our children. Why Grace? Why Reese? Victoria? Ashlyn? Why any of them?? That's where faith comes in right? I still have unanswered questions, is it normal? I think so. I miss my daughter. Now I miss her father. I really wish he believed in us like he used to. I know there is a bigger plan that I could ever inderstand. I do believe. I really want to be the woman that is strong and steadfast. Faithful and kind. Admired. I too struggle. I want to understand the unanswered questions. I think God has lead me to many many amazing women for a reason! For this I am grateful!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Heaven seems to be calling!

I know many people have loved and lost, I too feel this painful realization. My husband is now gone, my daughter is gone and I sit alone. The pitter patter sounds are slowly fading. My thoughts are racing faster than sound. Time ticks loudly in my mind. I can feel the draw to solitude. I am slowly becoming more and more withdrawn. I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home and turn off my phone. I can not even imagine talking to anyone right now. I have done something that surprises me, I am finding myself getting closer to God. I have always loved God and my relationship with Jesus has been strong. During this time in my life I found that being angry at someone or something was the easy way out, one I gladly took.
This realization brought me back to remembering how my mother had to lie to keep from being raped or beaten by the men in the "army" in her country. She had to pretend she was not Christian but Muslim. Riding in the bus to go to work as a seamstress to help feed our family. I admire my mother. As a child I thought she was weak for not standing up for her beliefs, now I do understand. I guess what I am getting at is her sacrifice has brought me to a Country where I am free to love and believe in whatever God I choose, how dare I betray this gift by being angry.

It's been a while since I have posted. I am trying to come to a place where I can move forward a little. I miss my daughter oh so much. I miss my husband, the man I feel in love with. I am very lonely on the outside but spiritually filled!