Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I am so tired and lonely

I think I may need a vacation to Madrid :) I think I hear them calling my name! other than that I just need to rest. It's been emotional this week!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Wow it's been a long time

I guess it's been longer than I thought. A friend online had a sub baby girl...beautiful Sylvia. My divorce was final. My yearning for a baby is still in full blown active craziness *not sure what that meant haha* but I am strangely at peace. I did some traveling with my friend and it was great. Very refreshing and fun but seemed I was not really traveling but escaping. Running. Oh well, guess we all have something in our lives we need to run from..........right? :)

So what else?? I got a dog. I know nothing like a baby but still very much fun to love. Sold my house, the one with the cloppity hard wood floors. I clippty clopt so many days and nights that it felt like a strange tearing of an emotional band-aid everytime I did it. I need to get to some carpet and FAST! I moved into a smaller condo, no hardwood floors. Seems the realitor thought it was weird I esp didn't want any. Silly girl ;) It is small and quiet, just me and Max. There is a third bedroom. Small and cute. Always with the intention of being an "office" with cute teddy bears. My real friends don't have to ask, they already know. It's my little corner of hope I guess. Maybe one day a baby will fill the air with cries and baby powder. Maybe not. Either way Grace's memory is not far away. Her pictures adorn the walls. Her favorite blanket is neatly folded over the back of the chair in my room. The picture frame that says "Mama's Angel" with her chubby little face is still hanging over my bed....protecting her mother every night, everyday. I am at peace my friends. Whatever this peace is, I have earned it. I do cry. I do scream. I do miss her. Every breath that leaves my body is permiated with love for's always the first thing I breath in and the last thing I breath out.

Thank you for reading, if any of you still do ;) This is my journey, wherever it started and wherever it ends, it's mine. I will walk it even when I feel I can not stand. God is good.