Thursday, October 15, 2009

Heaven seems to be calling!

I know many people have loved and lost, I too feel this painful realization. My husband is now gone, my daughter is gone and I sit alone. The pitter patter sounds are slowly fading. My thoughts are racing faster than sound. Time ticks loudly in my mind. I can feel the draw to solitude. I am slowly becoming more and more withdrawn. I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home and turn off my phone. I can not even imagine talking to anyone right now. I have done something that surprises me, I am finding myself getting closer to God. I have always loved God and my relationship with Jesus has been strong. During this time in my life I found that being angry at someone or something was the easy way out, one I gladly took.
This realization brought me back to remembering how my mother had to lie to keep from being raped or beaten by the men in the "army" in her country. She had to pretend she was not Christian but Muslim. Riding in the bus to go to work as a seamstress to help feed our family. I admire my mother. As a child I thought she was weak for not standing up for her beliefs, now I do understand. I guess what I am getting at is her sacrifice has brought me to a Country where I am free to love and believe in whatever God I choose, how dare I betray this gift by being angry.

It's been a while since I have posted. I am trying to come to a place where I can move forward a little. I miss my daughter oh so much. I miss my husband, the man I feel in love with. I am very lonely on the outside but spiritually filled!

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