Maybe not completely but some. I am so weirded out people. I really just don't want strangers to touch my skin. It almost burns. I know it is some type of anxiety disorder, not wanting strangers to touch you, hating crowds etc but this is kinda getting weird. I don't really even want to go grocery shopping. The people who are just there to be sweet and ask how my day is etc. I respond politely but really I just feel like I want to shop in the dark. No one could possibly see the pain in my heart with the lights out. Right? I can, it's always right at the top of the skin, just waiting to bust out! Screaming for my attention. Maybe that's what I need to do. Give it attention. I just don't have that energy right now. I am too busy avoiding people :(
So I have officially decided to try and adopt a child from the Middle East. They certainly are not as strict as they are here and my family is from there so hopefully I can find a way to be a mother to a living child without having to be married. Trust me this was not the way I planned this (thank you very much you selfish ass RUDY) but I will be a mother to a child I can put to sleep at night and wake with sleepy bear kisses. I have even thought of IVF. I am willing to pay the price. Whatever the price is, it can not be higher than the price I paid to be a mother to a child I had to bury. That price is all too high!